Debunking myths around nannies
My husband and I agonised over the right childcare option for our daughter. We initially decided to go down the full-time nursery route – I thought it would be great for my daughter to socialise and to be out of the house, particularly given the Covid lockdowns. I was delighted when we got into our nursery of choice (yes, I did put her down on the list just before she was born but only because of the panic instilled in me by other mothers… don’t listen to the hype. If you want a full-time place, nurseries are desperate to have you and will always make space in our experience!).
The first few settling in days seemed great and my daughter was happy. However, it quickly deteriorated, my daughter would scream and scream when we dropped her off and picked her up. She wasn’t getting enough sleep during the day which meant she started waking again through the night and seemed to suffer from separation anxiety having previously been a very happy, confident baby. In short, she was clearly deeply unhappy and it was very difficult to watch. It was also very difficult for both my husband and I to do full-time jobs with a child who started waking every few hours through the night (having previously slept 12 hours a night consistently). All my friends in similar situations said to push through and it would get better with time. However, we decided to pull her out of nursery and go down the full-time nanny route. We have never looked back.
To help others who might be considering this option, there are some things to be aware of with a nanny and some myths that I want to debunk:
· Myth number 1 – Full-time nannies are a similar price to a full-time nursery
This myth is not correct. Full-time nurseries in London are around £2,000 - £2,300 a month. I naively thought that a nanny was around the same when you factored in an hourly rate of around £12 – 15 per hour. However, do not be confused… unlike every other industry, most nannies charge their hourly rate NET (i.e. not gross). This means that you need to pay for taxes, NI, pension etc on top of this. For a full-time nanny like ours (55 hours a week, 11 hours a day), it is significantly more expensive than nursery.
In addition to this you have to pay for all food and activities on top. We normally give our nanny a float of £100 per month which includes travel, activities and extras but food is in addition to this. Also note that nannies expect a Christmas bonus of around 1 week full pay (which is over £700 for us!).
However, we have chosen to view the expense as an investment into our careers. It is very expensive, yes, and we have had to make other sacrifices to be able to afford it. However, one hopes that the investment will pay off and I will be rewarded in time with an increased chance of promotion and higher pay. Also, if you have 2 or more children, the expense gap between a nanny and nursery decreases and as such, I also view finding a good nanny now as being an investment into having a good long-term childcare solution if we decide to have more children in the future.
· Myth number 2 – Nannies want to work “full-time”
“Full-time” for a nanny means 40 hours a week, i.e. 4 days a week, 10 hours a day. This means that if you want to go back to work full-time (in the usual professional services sense, i.e. all hours, 5 days a week!) then you will need to hunt a bit harder for an actual full-time nanny. It is not impossible – it took us about a month and about 10 interviews to find our nanny. It was worth the wait. But I did speak to a number of nannies who were clear that they did not work 5 days a week, let alone 11 hours a day.
· Myth number 3 – Your child doesn’t socialise with other children
I had really worried about my daughter not socialising enough when going down the nanny route. It was one of my main concerns about moving from nursery to a nanny. However, I need not have worried. Good nannies are out and about all the time with other children. My daughter spends a lot of time with two girls who live on the same street who also have a nanny – they eat together, play together, do activities together and they are the best of friends. My daughter is, in fact, far more sociable than me and it means that they are out the house most of the time.
It also means that children who have nannies are more used to being out and about in real life, e.g. they go to coffee shops, parks, restaurants, aquariums, museums, farms etc regularly which has the advantage of the child becoming well-rounded and confident in most situations. She has a wonderful life (I am very jealous!).
· Myth number 4 – Nannies and children are always in the house
This was something else I was really concerned about when moving from nursery to a nanny. In particular, I was worried that my daughter would be bored sitting and playing in the house all day every day, and that it would feel really intrusive always having her and the nanny around. I also thought it would restrict my ability to work.
In fact, this is not true at all. Good nannies are out and about all the time – my daughter goes to playgroups, the acquarium, the natural history museum, parks, farms, activities, friends’ houses etc. My daughter is only really at home for meal and nap times.
And I find the times when my daughter is in the house a real pleasure rather than an intrusion. I love being able to pop downstairs when I have a free moment to give my daughter a hug or to see how she is. It is a real benefit having my daughter around, knowing what she is doing on a daily basis, and seeing some of her highs throughout the day. Even when doing a full-time job, when I work from home, I feel that I still get to see my daughter regularly which is such a bonus that I would never have had if she did not have a nanny.
Childcare is a very individual choice for each family. For us, a nanny was the right decision and we would strongly recommend it. It has some downsides, like everything, and it is not to say that we won’t consider nursery again in the future when our daughter is a bit older; but overall it was the right decision for us, for now.
We have prepared a table setting out the pros / cons of nanny versus nursery so please do have a look for more information.